What I'll Never Tell
by jemina1
Summary: Roy was willing to share alot of things with Ed, but there was just one thing he knew he would never tell him. RoyEd
1. What I'll Never Tell

Author's Notes: This is my first fic so any suggestions to help my writing will be appreciated.

Summary: Roy was willing to share a lot of things with Ed, but there was just that one past thing that he knew he would never tell him.

Disclaimer: Sadly I don't own any of this…. tear

Warnings: Roy x Ed, don't like don't read.

What I'll Never Tell

There were a lot of things that Roy was willing to share with Ed; his deepest thoughts, his bed, his house, his heart, and apparently his pillow. He sat up partially in the bed and just watched his blonde lover sleep. He smiled as mumbled words escaped Ed's lips. Yes, there were plenty of things he would share. Darkness filled his eyes as he thought of the one thing he would never willingly tell Ed.

Roy had done a lot of bad things in his life. His participation in the Ishbalen Massacre was a prime example. Ed knew about that and he had accepted it, but Roy hadn't told him the whole truth. He hadn't told Ed that he had been the one to kill the Rockbells. Roy knew how badly that had affected Ed, Al, and their friend Winry. He knew how important family was to them.

He would never tell them. Roy sighed; he was afraid to tell Ed. That was one thing he would admit; he was afraid about how Ed might react. He was afraid of the look of betrayal he would see in his eyes. He was afraid of never being able to hold him in his arms again. He was afraid that learning the truth would break the last strains of sanity Ed had left.

There was only one thing that could be worse than those things. Roy was afraid that Ed might not get really mad. He knew there was a possibility that Ed would see how badly killing those two doctors had hurt Roy, and understand. Ed could understand that it was a war, and that it would forever haunt Roy. He was afraid that Ed would hold him and say he understands. He was afraid that if that happened, he would cry. It had been so long since he had cried, and he didn't know if he could stop.

Roy didn't want anyone to know what he had done. He didn't want anyone to forgive him. He had made the mistake and he would forever feel the weight of it on his shoulders. He was willing to carry that guilt to his grave. That's the least of the punishment he deserved.

Roy looked down again, and knew that he would never tell Ed. The boy had too much going on with the Philosopher's Stone to deal with the past. Roy knew that he was currently one of the few good things Ed had, and he refused to let anyone mess with that. He refused to see sadness on his face again.

As he snuggled back down into the covers he gave the subject one last thought. If Ed knew, he would probably kill him. Strangely, Roy drifted off with a smile on his face.


	2. What I Already Knew

Author's Note: This is something I had planned to write as soon as I posted the first part, but one thing after another kept on getting in my way. I'm not entirely happy with this, but I figured that I should finish it. Maybe after I get settled back into school I'll come back and redo it.

Disclaimer: Not mine.

What I Already Knew

Ed knew. He had never told the others all the things that Marco had told him. One of the things he hadn't shared was Roy's part in the Rockbell's murder. The news that some of his friends had done such horrible things in Ishbal had shocked him. It was hard to even look at the others, knowing the atrocities they had committed. He had been lucky to have all that time while he had to go get his arm fixed to think about it. He had been lucky to meet that old soldier. He would still probably be upset if he hadn't have had the opportunity to talk about the massacre with someone who wasn't close to him.

Throughout his travels he had had time to think about people's actions in wars and how they differed from how they were outside it. After a lot of thinking he decided that he couldn't hate those around him for what they had done. After a lot of thinking he decided that he couldn't hate Roy for killing Winry's parents. Not after he had seen their faces, Roy's and Armstrong's, when they thought back to the massacre. Not when he could see the regret and pain on their faces every time they thought about it.

Ed knew that Roy would never tell him. He knew what the dark look that occasionally appeared in Roy's eyes was for. Ed had thought a lot about how he would handle this situation with Roy, but the end he had decided that it would be best if he stayed quite.

Some things just didn't need to be shared. So Ed kept his mouth shut. The closest he ever came to mentioning it was when in anger he would mouth off to the others about how he would never participate in anything like the Ishbal Massacre. Of course, he always felt bad as soon as he said it. The look people got, the look on Roy's face was always so hurt.

But then he would apologize and things would pick up again, everyone happy to forget all about that incident.

Al had once asked him why he never said anything to Roy or told Winry. Wouldn't Roy rest easier if he knew that his lover didn't hate him for what he had done in the past? Are they really being good friends to Winry by keeping the truth from her?

Winry didn't need to know. She had moved past her parent's deaths and was concentrated on being the best mechanic she could be. In Ed's mind bringing up her parents would only hurt her instead of being any help to her. Roy didn't want to tell Ed and until he did Ed wouldn't say anything to him.

Some things had to be handled alone. Ed knew that. He lived that. Roy was the only one who could forgive Roy for his past's sins. Nobody else, no matter how close they were to him, could do that for him. No matter how much he wished it Ed couldn't help with that. It was just like his guilt about the failed attempt to resurrect his mother. The only thing he could do was to help Roy forget. A few well administered kisses when Roy gets that look in his eyes, and suddenly he would be all caught up in an entirely different task, Or randomly yelling at him 'Bastard!' before coming up with some lame justification for the yelling. Either one of those things could get Roy's mind of the past. That's the least Ed could do.

Besides Ed had secrets he kept from Roy.

Like he never told him about the time…. oh wait Ed had told him that one.

Oh, there was that one time, no; he had shared that one to.

Well, Ed had never told Roy one important thing…...Roy snores, loudly.

The End


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